There is this unadjusted, special-little-flower kind of girl, and most of the time, she has no idea what she is doing. When she was only a cute blue-eyed kid of five years, she randomly asked people questions that made them feel bad about themselves. For example, at the age of five, she asked her parents to explain her principle of photosynthesis. They said something stupid, so she learned by herself. Reading. When she was five. Cyrillic and latin alphabet. Because that is what a ‘future president’ does at the age of five. Yes, it was a common belief in my family’s closest social circle that I am most definitely going to be a president or at least ‘something important in politics’.
I was advanced in school, sports, social life and children and their parents were either hypnotized by me or completely hostile and rude to me. As a kid, I cared even less about people than I do (not) now. I was horrible. I mean, can you imagine being the most charming, cute, smart and pleasant, but not using that in your advance? Oh, I did. As a child, especially. While some kids were forbidden to hang out with me, some parents called my parents to beg them to let me spend some time with their kids. It was hectic. The son of a popular folk singer was my best friend, and I made a music video for his song ‘Blue Flower’ in which I am the star – I was only nine. The video never saw the daylight because they escaped when the war started, literally a week after the video was made. A funny thing is that I would be completely socially ruined if somebody found it somewhere when I was a teenager, but now – I’m dying to see it.
I was born with some special skills which I just upgraded and polished to the point where I can be certain that I am not going to fail. It helped me a lot. I am an easy conversationalist, can make people do things using logical argumentation, and I love justice. It is a utopian concept that I do not follow every time, but I would love to be able to. Practice makes perfect (same goes for a deep throat on a massive cock like yours <3).
Being the best in school came with a price for me – everybody wanted to be around me, but I always chose the worst. If there were strawberries in a bag and one stinky snail, half-dead, I would find the poor bastard. Not the strawberries, they are not for me… I should save the snail. – That is literally my life, hahaha! I’m killing these comparisons.
I am not going to write about all the crazy shit I’ve been through, I’ll tell you that in person. But everything that my parents did, and that I did to myself left a big fucking scar on my soul, and I am still paying for that. I wasn’t the best daughter, I wasn’t the best girlfriend, and I gave up on my ‘President story’.
My heart has been broken many times, sometimes I think I must be able to live forever… I went through a suicidal phase in high school, and one more in 2011. Never felt like I am understood, and I my biggest fears are rejection and losing people I love (clowns and stairs, as well, but they are not relevant). And I have been through that a lot of those. People love me for what I am, then try to be me, then reject me if they actually learn.
I hurt a lot of people, but I am trying every day to be a better version of myself and to give more than I used to take. Sharing is caring and I really believe in it. My favorite quote is Shakespeare’s, it says, “There is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”
I was always judged. I don’t like it.
Emotionally, I am a pussy. Meaning that I cry a lot and for small shit – happy scenes in movies, found a dog, lost cat, and a sad story I read online. I don’t even know if there is a situation that didn’t make me cry at least once. However, once I realized that I have a history of depression and anxiety and that I have been going through all that for more than 10 years, I realized that my parents don’t know anything about me. They were punishing me for being a badass chick, not even dreaming that something was wrong. I was looking for excitement in all the wrong places – because I couldn’t feel anything. So I went to a rave party and stayed there for a couple of years. Drugs, dancing, lies and wrong crew.
That part of my life has come to an end when I was publicly embarrassed and humiliated by my friends in Montenegro (I’ll tell you that one). Then something changed. I thought it was for the better, but it turned out it was only worse.
I don’t like people telling me what to do unless it is ‘Bend over’ or similar. It is still unreal to me that I am closer to being a submissive lover than a dominant one because my social intelligence is… well, aggressive. It would only be normal to be who you are in the sack. But it is not. With you, for example, you dominate everything, it is a completely different story. That shit is scary.
I am pretty high right now, so I am losing my focus. But there are some things I’ll say anyway.
I don’t know what I did to you (apart from sore legs), and certainly have no idea what is it that you did to me… I am far from stupid, but I don’t believe in fairy tales, and this is like a fairy tale. I meant every time you asked me that I want to be yours, and I don’t do that. I don’t give in easily, and I definitely do not show my affection easily anymore. But you…
I would hug the shit out of you, kiss you until we are completely dehydrated and make love to you forever. I want to make you laugh out loud with me and cook dinners together. I want us to hold our hands and randomly look at each other in public with the look that says ‘You are mine, and I am proud of you.’
I love swings, cucumbers, and fireworks. Fireworks are the best. Sometimes, I don’t drink water for days and go to sleep with my makeup on. I don’t know how to walk in heels and I feel ridiculous when I’m all dolled-up. I like the smell of violets, but I cannot stand cilantro. It gives me a headache. I am a cat person. There is nobody in the world who knows everything about me. I like to be adored and kissed on the forehead. I won an Absolute Vodka contest for the best-dressed person on the streets of Serbia, never went to take the award because it was at the Fashion Week. I don’t like that world, and I don’t feel comfortable with it. My favorite color is green, and my eyes are icy blue. I love pork above all and broccoli and cauliflower. I am not a sucker for new things, tech, blings, and hotels. I don’t think that everyone looks best in their natural state. My only fetishes are men’s back and the way pants move above the shoe when men are wearing suits and walking. I was superstitious for fun, but now I never walk under ladders. My political views are liberal in a classical way. I don’t believe in God. I eat once a day, twice max. I am deaf in my left ear for at least two months a year. I am deaf right now. I went three times under total anesthesia. My favorite movie is Hair by Milosh Forman. I know Dirty Dancing by heart. I believe we are not alone in the universe. I don’t like fat people, they are mean. My favorite song is Sweet Child of Mine. I get wet when you call me ‘babe’. I hug trees and always apologize to Nature for taking a leaf or two from the branches. I knit during winter. I have a blue belt in karate, then my parents forbid me to go forward when I made the whole class skip school one day.
I cannot continue when I have you online now, better catch some words before your festivities.
But this, as well –
I will not hurt you. I want to love you madly, and I want to know that I can tell you everything. Also, I demand support for even my craziest ideas (that are not unnecessary or dangerous). And I want you to be the king of your own castle and that your queen (me) has reasons to fall in love with you again every day. Just be yourself.